just so exhausted..

Life hasn’t been easy the past weeks.. I was hoping everyday that one morning I’ll wake up and everything will be working out just fine. It is easy to say, for other people, who’s not in that shoe.. but I thought it’s even harder if I take it as “DAMN IT REALLY SUCKS BIG TIME MAN!!!!!!” wahahahaha… I am more of to be like that everytime…. but at the end of the day I am trying to count what have happened to me and I lay on the bed and watch my daughter as she sleeps, though there are days that bad things outnumbered the good things that happened, I still have the guts to say my prayer.. “Lord, I am totally lost and confused right now, though I know, that I don’t have the very right to be like that because I know Bea is counting on me.. I am holding on to my faith. I know you’ll lead me to the wisest decision and will touch my heart to heal and forgive. I surrender all the pain I have, all the hurt, hatred and anger that is within me.. I felt the love in many different ways, from people around me and I am thankful for that.. Guide me everyday to do what you will make me believe that is right. Thank you for all the blessings and I am sorry for all the mistakes I have commited, always be my daugther’s side.. and for those who have hurt me, heal them, I’m also saying my sorry to them…” it’s not a routine I don’t think I should call it a habit but during the times that I’m so down, I just sit down, talk in my mind, I tell him everything, I ask him anything I could under the sun..though he may not answer me back straight away, he is showing me his love through a job that is accomplished, through a friend who shares her emotions with me inspite of what I have on my own, she still trusts me to take it, through what I am capable of doing, to realize what I am not and accept I needed a hand from other person. That I get my strength through my daughter and I am very lucky hearing her saying ‘mamama yayayabyu’ it melts my heart and makes me realize I am so blessed with her and the more that I wanted to work hard, be a better person and just make the most of what I can do for her… haiz… thankies that there is blog, it helps, coz you’re just like talking to yourself…

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Published::
10.15.08 / 3pm
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